Blessing of 35 weeks...

I would like to introduce you to the biggest blessing I have every been given. Benjamin Robert Goguen, my beautiful son. He was born 11.11.11 at 2:44pm, weighing 6lbs 4oz and 18 1/4 inches long.  


I know I should have posted this info earlier, but Claude and I have been enjoying every minute with our precious son. Here are a few photos from his first week. 

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and kindness. We are so very thankful and blessed.

Blessing of Family...

Today I am thankful for my wonderful family. I so appreciate the visits, phone calls, meals, messages on FaceBook and the long distance traveled to meet a new family member. Your kindness will never be forgotten. You all mean the world to me! 


As I sit here and wait for our scheduled surgery time, I'm still in shock that our little family of two is growing by one. A year ago I would have never imagined that having our own child would have been possible. It's been a long difficult journey for Claude and I, but today we are truly blessed. 


We have each other. And we will have a son.

Todays Blessings... My Nurses

Today I am thankful for my wonderful nurses here at IU North. All of them have been so amazing. Here is just one example: 


After day one of my stay here at IU North my husband started marking my days of incarceration on the dry erase board in my room. It's been our way of keeping track of how many days I had been here. On day 15, a nurse named Cynthia, stopped by to do my 2 hour blood sugar test, she noticed our marked incarceration days and asked me about them. Little did she know, that that day was a real breaking point for me. I was a mess. I truly felt like I was being punished for wanting this baby so much. I mean after all the failed fertility treatments, the ectopic, the scare of this high risk pregnancy and then 15 days of hospital bed rest, I was at a breaking point. I was mourning the easy pregnancy that I always wanted. A few minutes after she had left my room, Cynthia came back with a blue paper chain with 11 links, one for each day left until my c-section. She didn't like that I didn't have something to look forward to. So she taped the chain on my door and said that I needed to tear a link off each day I remained here. I don't think she realized just how much that little bit of thoughtfulness changed my outlook. I now have 3 links left, 3 days until we meet our son.


So after 26 days of being on lock down, I wish I could thank every nurse that has cared for me, taken the time to listen to me, held my hand and encouraged me to keep thinking positive. Everyone of them has been a small blessing. And anyone who gets their care, will be very lucky. 

The Blessing of Great Friends...

Todays’ blessing is that of friendship.

When I was put in the hospital 23 days ago, I never imagined how alone and scary it could be. And trust me when I say, there is NOTHING relaxing or enjoyable about being in a hospital, for any reason at all! The one thing that has made my incarceration easier is the kindness I’ve found in my friends. I can’t begin to thank all of you enough for visits and joy you have brought me! But I can tell you how grateful I am that you took the time out of your busy lives to come visit. It has meant the world to me. I know our son, as well as Claude and I, are very lucky to have so many wonderful people looking forward to his arrival. So I leave you today with this...

Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest... It’s about who came, and never left your side...         - Unknown

Thanks again everyone!

34 Week Blessing.

Today our little pea pod has reached a milestone. He is officially 34 weeks, this is what I am thankful for today! 


When Claude and I found out our condition at 18 weeks, we were told that our goal was to reach 34 weeks and if all goes well, we'd make it to 35. And I have to admit, at that time it seemed so far away. But here we are at 34 weeks, we're in the home stretch and God willing, it won't be long before we get to meet our son. And what a blessing that will be!

Days of blessings...

I've noticed on FaceBook that a lot of my friends are writing their "30 days of blessings." So I thought (although I'm a few days behind) I need to start counting my blessings before 11/11/11. 


So today with 8 days left until we get to meet our bundle of joy, I am so very blessed to have my wonderful, loving husband. He's been my rock. And as hard as these past 21 days have been for me, I know it's been equally hard on him. So Claude, know that I feel blessed not only today, but everyday to have you in my life. 

Eleven Eleven Eleven

Happy 33 week birthday to my little fidgety bundle in my belly. 

Yesterday, our doctor stopped by and informed us that she would deliver our son no later than 35 weeks.That means two weeks from today provided contractions stay away, and no other problems occur. That means there’s a pretty decent chance our son will spend the rest of his life jotting down 6 straight lines in the DOB box:  11-11-11. 

According to some research I did, some superstitious couples tried to conceive so that the birth date would coincide with November 11th, 2011 believing that this would bring additional blessings to their family. That means in the first week of February this year, houses were rockin’ and people didn’t bother knockin’ just a little more than usual.  

So what is the significance of 11-11-11?  

Well blackjack players love the number eleven. It usually means time to double down.  

On the last 11-11-11, one-hundred years ago on November 11th, 1911, The Great Blue Norther descended upon America. The day started fine; there were even record highs for that time of year. Then it all changed; temperatures began to drop. Within the space of ten minutes: the temperature dropped 40 to 50 degrees; by midnight a 66 degree temperature drop was recorded. There were dust storms, thunderstorms, tornados, and blizzards and over 300 deaths were reported.

Almost as tragic, the creators of the cinematic classics Saw II, III and IV, are bringing us a horror movie called 11-11-11 that has the tag line: “Mark the date. You can’t stop what’s coming” 

And World War I – known at the time as “The Great War” - officially ended when the Treaty of Versailles was signed on June 28, 1919.  Fighting ceased seven months earlier when an armistice, or temporary cessation of hostilities, between the Allied nations and Germany went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. For that reason, November 11, 1918, is generally regarded as the end of “the war to end all wars.” and this day is celebrated each year as Veterans or Remembrance Day. 

So 11-11-11 has some significance and will not happen again until November 11th, 2111 when we’re all but memories to our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. 

Claude and I aren’t the superstitious kind. As I laid on a gurney and Claude spent some alone time in the “Jerkatorium” at the fertility clinic on that faithful day in March early this year, there was absolutely no thought of conceiving on a particular day. We just wanted to conceive.  

So the bottom line is: whether I give birth on that day, or tomorrow, I will cherish the day, the hour, the minute and the second my son and I look at each other for the first time.

Carbless in Carmel...

Ok, yesterday was a hard day. And I’m probably going to share too much this morning, but here it is... 

I lost my cool with the dietician who was hinting that it was my fault that I was diagnosed with Gestational diabetes. I mean really, she works at a hospital you’d think that she’d know that Gestational diabetes is the result of hormonal changes that occur in women during pregnancy. It’s not because of my eating habits or lack there of (which by the way for the most part I followed the rules). It was caused by nothing that I could control! Maybe I’m hungry and hormonal, but if you’re blaming me, get out, get out of my cell now before I stab you with my spork! At this point, what I really regret is not eating all the horrible things that I could’ve eaten in my first and second trimesters. Because now I sit here starving, with a limit of 35g, 45g, 45g carbs per meal (which is nothing, when you’re eating for 2) and absolutely no eating anything for 2 hours after each meal, because I get my blood sugars tested. But there is a light, I was told I could snack on protein after my 2 hour window and before my next meal (dietician could only recommend nuts and cheese). Do you know what nuts and cheese can do to your system after 12 days? It’s horrific and I won’t go into any more details. I hate this diet and that evil woman who tried to label me as a bad parent. I love this baby and would never do anything to harm him!

I came into IU Health happy and pregnant...now I find myself pregnant, depressed, hungry and on medicines to keep my body moving if you know what I mean. Ok, so I know the whine factor is a little high right now, but after 12 days I miss my husband, my home, my dogs and my carbs.

Infertile thoughts...

These past few days, I've been doing a lot of thinking about our journey with infertility.

As some of you know, I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility almost 3 years ago. For me, it was a devastating diagnosis. I wanted my doctors to know exactly what was wrong with me and be able to offer some kind of treatment or cure. But that wasn't the case. Being "unexplained," just meant the doctors had no idea why I couldn't get pregnant. I of course, blamed myself, I mean why wouldn't I, it was my body that was failing right? My age. My old eggs. And my system that couldn't hold onto an embryo. For me the worst part  of infertility was the shame I draped over myself when I knew I couldn't get pregnant like everyone else. Even now, as I sit here maybe 2 weeks from delivery, I still carry that cloak of shame. But it's lighter now. With two tons of heart break and a whole lot of joy, here we are.

So why am I talking about this today...it's because RedBook has an article and website this month called "The Truth About Trying." They've interviewed celebrities and women like me who are dealing with infertility. What people don't realize is that infertility touches one in eight women in the US. Nobody talks about it and there is a whole lot of needless shame being carried around by a lot of women.

If you have a friend or loved one that is struggling with infertility take time to listen and be mindful of their sensitivity. And never, ever say just "just relax and stop thinking about it."

http://www.redbookmag.com/health-wellness/advice/infertility-video-series?click=pp

Attending a baby shower, hospital bed rest style...

So what do you do when you're tied to a hospital bed and not able to attend your baby shower??? Why Skype of course! 

So ok...it's not ideal, but with the last minute hospital sentence...and a wonderful husband that was willing to take the lead as guest of honor...it worked out great! I got to be at the party with out the risk of harming our little baby boy.

So thank you, to everyone who attended and to my beautiful cousin who hosted the party. We are so lucky to have each of you in our lives. Oh, and I can't forget my husband, who without flinching went solo to a baby shower and made it out alive. Love you sweetie!

Thanks again, family and friends! 

So, why am I here.

I have an abnormal condition called vasa previa and velamentous cord insertion. Vasa previa (vasa means vessel, previa means crossing the cervix) is a rare condition, it occurs in one in 5,200 women. If it goes undetected, it has a high fetal mortality of 50% to 90% because of the hemorrhage that occurs when the vessels are torn when the fetal membranes rupture, either at labour or delivery. When this happens, the baby looses blood and oxygen very quickly. And you have only minutes to save the baby. Velamentous cord insertion is when the umbilical cord inserts into the fetal membranes, then travels within those membranes to the placenta. The exposed blood vessels are not protected and vulnerable to rupture. Most cases of velamentous cord insertions do not result in infant death, whereas vasa previa is very dangerous unless it has been diagnosed and managed early on. In this case, success rate jump to around 90%. I can only be thankful that we were told about our condition early on. 

A lot of people have asked me what the difference between vasa previa and placenta previa. They sound a lot alike, but are very different. A pregnant women who bleeds that has placenta previa the blood comes from the mother or is maternal. With vasa previa the blood is not maternal, it is all fetal blood loss. And this can be fatal.

So here we are on hospital bed rest...

31w0d. After a fun filled week of working from home, going to non-stress test, ultra sounds to measure my cervix and 3 hour glucose test, I end the week here at IU North. I'm now a resident and it seems that I'll be here for the next 3 to 4 weeks. As I sit here and start to feel sorry for my self, wondering if I can stand the downtime, I'm reminded that the most wonderful thing...the heart beat of my unborn child is thumping in the background. I can do this. My sweet baby boy is a fighter and I need to be more like him. So I promise that I'll do my best to take each day as it comes. Never lose sight of my ultimate prize. I'm going to leave this hospital with my beautiful son.